7:49 pm: Al Gore wins his global-warmin’ Oscar. (Tennessee, represent!) Karl Rove rushes the stage and kills him. The awards are marred by tragedy.
7:52 pm: But never mind; it’s time to listen to Ennio Morricone soundtracks. Let’s ignore the vulgar spectacle for a moment: this is the finest movie music ever composed. Absolutely transcendent.
7:55 pm: And then… oh shit. Celine Dion is performing a Morricone song. This is like watching a homeless man tracing the Sistine Chapel.
8:01 pm: AP Kryza reports from the Hollywood Theatre:
“People are not happy with Al Gore. Everyone thought he was going to make the announcement [that he was running for president]—and it’s cool that he didn’t, but people were hoping for it. … Look at Ennio Morricone; the rumor was he wanted to go down without an award, like Hitchcock. And now the poor bastard has Celine Dion singing his song. He looks so mad. Everyone seemed so moved when they were playing his music, and when Celine started a bunch of people got up and left. So Al Gore and Celine Dion: no dice.”
8:02 pm: We translate Morricone’s speech: “Death to that bastard Mussolini!”
8:09 pm: Jack Nicholson doesn’t need anyone but you, Annie. (See photo, below. Yeah, he’s really, really bald now.)
8:11 pm: A running bet has developed here over whether Peter O’Toole will be included in the “In Memoriam” montage. And Little Miss Sunshine has won Best Original Screenplay. Does Michael Arndt have to share his Oscar with the writers of National Lampoon’s Vacation?
8:21 pm: The Dreamgirls (Jennifer Hudson, Beyonce and the, um, other one) are singing. In very low cut tops. Check out the hastily snapped TV screen shot above to see what we mean. It’s the Battle of the Boobs.
8:29 pm: The Melissa Etheridge global-warmin’ song is a winner. Meanwhile, the ever-informative Mike Thelin has told me that the domain gore2008.com is selling for $12,000. Plus a $60 transfer fee. So Al Gore: not running.
How f***ing rude to say that Celine Dion must die!! How low can you get? And get your facts right. It’s Ennio Morricone himself who wanted Celine to sing his song on the tribute album and on the Oscars because she’s his favorite singer!! So leave her in peace. She’s got talent and get used to it! She didn’t scream like the Dreamgirls did… It was a moving tribute song that she sang!
Yeah, I have to agree. Dion was not my 1st or my 100th choice.
Could have been worse I guess
You die the ugly bastard it sucks cocks
celine is the true queen of the music and the elegance while you are only a child of whore
I think the person that wrote this article was very rude. How can you wish someone dead. I think all off you r just jealous. If only you could do what Celine Dion does you wouldn’t be writing this article. Just think how you would feel if you were in her shoes and you see this title on the internet that people are saying you must die. Think about it!!!
Yep! Thought about it! Still funny!
It’s not a FACT, it’s an OPINION! And I happen to strongly agree with it!
Raspberry to you… PThthththtt!
I think you are all missing the real highlight of this post. DID YOU SEE JACK’S BALD HEAD? It’s frightening.
The only thing worse than Celine Dion would be Celine Dion accompanied by Kenny G.
Hey! This is getting a little too heavy dont’cha think? I stumbled across this on Google, and yes, Céline was amazing, she did the song justice and she did herself justice too! She looked and sounded stunning!
Marricone did ask Céline to sing this song for him, and he was “truly moved” by her performance. So yes, what was written was bulsh!t, but who cares what some nobody writing an online article thinks? I doubt Céline does!
When he/she’s someone who can actually make a difference to the World (like Céline), then we can start caring… until then, let him carry on with his misled sad little life
Celine is a great singer how can you be so mean to her.
Celine Rocks!!! your retarded dude….celine is wicked awesome…. whats wrong with you ? ur on drugs? newyas leave true talent alone…:P
Celine Dion is the best singer in the world.
im Tina from Kosova and i really cant understand this “celine dion most die“ this will never happen because shes most beautiful in the world and she is the best singer in the world so i dont know ho said those words about celine shes incredible she is very good so i love herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr so much kiss for her from Kosova.