New New Year’s Resolution: Find new allergies to die from.
Yesterday Time.com posted an article entitled “Have Americans Gone Nuts Over Nut Allergies?” To backtrack a bit: A little more than a year ago, Todd Neale of MedPage Today also wrote about the public’s alarmist reaction to nuts at school. Within days of Todd Neale’s story going up, Serena Gordon, a HealthDay Reporter, posted a similar article. All three cited the evacuation of an entire bus full of 10-year-olds when a runaway peanut was spotted on the floor as an example of our mass hysteria. And all three used Dr. Nicholas Christakis as their expert on the subject. Unfortunately, it’s hard to get excited about the same article over and over again.
In an effort to raise awareness for allergies other than nuts in 2009 (since Dr. Christakis already has that one covered) here are some other things people are allergic to:
- Hot Tubs: Fox 12 Oregon posted an this article last Friday, about how doctors from Ohio State University are seeing a growing trend of hot tub allergies. Apparently the potassium peroxymonosulfate added to the water makes skin itch so bad that people are scratching until they bleed.
- Alcohol: This one is definitely a bummer. According to MayoClinic.com, the only solution to avoiding an allergic reaction or sensitivity to alcohol is to avoid it.
- Mobile Phone Allergy: The nickel plating on cell phones creates a rash on the ears and cheeks, christened “mobile phone dermatitis.”
- iPod Allergy: That nickle found in your cell phone? Also in your iPod.
- Underwear Allergy: Perhaps Britney Spears really is allergic to underwear. If so, she should have bought some Cottonique underwear, which is suitable for those who are allergic to latex, spandex, resin, dye, or bleach.
- Water Allergy: Good god, how do you shower or go swimming or even drink a refreshing glass of the clear liquid on a hot day? If you have Aquagenic Urticaria, you live with the pain. Short showers and antihistamines are your friend.
- Kissing Allergy: It’s going to be a long, lonely Valentine’s Day for you. But luckily (or unluckily), almost all reports of kissing allergies can be attributed to one partner eating something or ingesting a medicine that the other person is allergic to right before the smooch; this means that your partner ate something offensive rather than simply having offensive saliva. Does that make you feel better?
- Marijuana Allergy: Taking a wicked bong rip is fun, but only if one does not start convulsing immediately afterward. Dude, talk about a major party foul.
To ensure that you are always prepared for an allergic reaction, whether it be to your Blackberry, your glass of Evian, or your glutenous lunch, be sure to carry your EpiPen and sport your Allergy Awareness Underwear available on CafePress (provided, of course, that you are not allergic to underwear).
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Tags: Health
You get on the airplane, scared about dying from a five-mile fall out of an aluminum sausage, and your own nuts have shriveled to the size of dimes and tried to retreat back up the unguinal canal … and they bring you mustard pretzels.
Where are the goddamned smoky almonds? Nope. I can see the reason for eliminating ashtrays on commercial aircraft, but nuts?
And then entire districts schools became nut-free environments, because one student out of 1500 had a reaction. Look, my old girlfriend would die from a cashew-flavored kiss, so I understand … but allergies are a personal thing, a private responsibility. Like keeping poison and meds out of the reach of children, instead of making the universe deal with child-proof caps…
Widespread allergies are a sign of environmental intolerance. People who die when they eat peanut butter or whose face goes leprous when they use a cell-phone, are canaries in the coal mine, the most sensitive among us. We ignore their symptoms at our peril.
That said, give me back my fucking nuts on airlines, or at least issue me a saucer-sized nicotine patch with the boarding pass. The airlines let people board who are suffering from the plague, so it’s not as if they care about my health. I will sign a waiver. No more pretzels.
Marijuana convulsions are the result of inserting the needle improperly. Being immune to euphorics/allergic to pot is really sad. I could eat a bag of peanuts right in front of an aflatoxin-sensitive, and smoke a cigarette in front of a person who was quitting, but I could not in good conscience inhale in front of a medical muggles. That must be why they ban pot smoking on commercial flights, although I’ve heard that it completely alleviate the terror of phobias.