Even in a city with an abundance of good grub on the cheap, I often imagine what life would be like if the children’s book Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs weren’t fiction. Free hamburgers would pile up on the hoods of cars with each gust of wind, and unlimited pancakes would tumble down from the heavens, drowning out the recession, eliminating world hunger, and keeping the whole planet fat and sassy. So when Kettleman Bagel Company announced that the opening of its new location would be heralded with twelve solid hours of free bagels and cream cheese, I pictured the clouds parting above to reveal a torrent of hearth-baked kosher goodness about to freefall into my mouth. Hey, a girl can dream.
Whether they fall from the sky or not, it’s safe to say that tomorrow it will be raining bagels on Southwest 4th Avenue and Taylor Street. Locally owned and operated Kettleman Bagels will bestow free bagels with cream cheese upon hungry downtown Portlanders from 6 am to 6 pm. The bagel gurus have specified one bagel per customer, but that, my friends, is what disguises are for. Arrive prepared with the costume arsenal I know you’ve been hoarding for just such an occasion and see how many you can rack up before the sky closes up and the bagel flow is cut off until the next location opens—the bagels are so good, there are sure to be more shops popping up all over town.
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