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The Dead Start to Walk in Their Masquerade: Michael Jackson’s This Is It Reviewed

Thursday, October 29th, 2009

Too soon? Not soon enough for WW press deadlines. But here’s a review of the Michael Jackson rehearsal documentary:

Michael Jackson’s This is It

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It’s odd to think of Michael Jackson as “underappreciated.” Here’s a guy who entered the cultural bloodstream at 8 years old and never left, who’s sold more records worldwide than anyone else has or—it’s safe to say—ever will, who crowned himself the King of Pop without protest, who is considered by anyone alive between the late ’60s and early ’90s as the greatest entertainer of the last 30 years, if not of all time. Aside from John Lennon, it’s hard to imagine another 20th century artist more appreciated in their lifetime. And yet, there are still things for which Jackson doesn’t get enough credit. As a singer. As a musician. Hell, even as a performer.

If nothing else, This Is It—the de facto documentary cobbled together in the wake of Jackson’s death on June 25—helps flesh out the image of Michael Jackson as an all-around creative force. It’s not the rehearsal footage showing us the giant spectacle he had planned for his 50 scheduled shows at London’s O2 Arena that does it, either.

Yes, it would’ve been huge. And eye-popping. And, at points, garish and overblown. In other words, it’s what we would have expected from him. Sure, at age 50 and in questionable health, there were doubts he could pull off something on par with his past concert extravaganzas, and it is a bit of surprise to see him still moving so fluidly and singing so wonderfully, especially after learning about the daily cocktail of drugs he was supposedly consuming in his final days. But, deep down, none of us would have bet against him. This is somebody who probably spent as much time in his half-century on the planet dancing as he did walking. He lived his entire life on stage. Zonked out on painkillers or not, we knew he’d deliver.

But it’s the small moments, captured between the run-throughs and videotaped vignettes, that reveal a side of Jackson not often seen—that of the gentle taskmaster. Kenny Ortega is listed as the director of the This Is It tour and film, but it’s clear within the opening minutes, when Jackson stops “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’” to instruct his backing band to make it funkier, who is actually in charge. Jackson wasn’t an instrumentalist but he was certainly a musician, and he knew precisely how he wanted the audience to experience his music. He doesn’t speak in musical terms, communicating more as a dancer—miming how he wants stuff played, telling his keyboardist to “let it simmer”—and  ending each correction with a “God bless you” or “It’s all about love.” It is fascinating to watch one of pop’s legendary perfectionists molding imperfection: Two minutes of anyone else complaining about his in-ear monitor would be boring and trivial; to see Michael Jackson get in a minor huff over it is revelatory.

There are not enough of those little moments in This Is It. It’s understandable why there aren’t more: The movie exists—in theory, anyway—to let fans see Jackson perform one last time. To include more scenes of him working out minutiae with the crew would bog it down for most people.

But the problem is these are, by design, half-performances. Jackson says more than once that he is holding back to preserve his body and voice for the actual concerts. Obviously, the full scope of the show never materializes outside of a few computer animated simulations. There are no dress rehearsals, although this does give us a look at what Jackson considered “casual wear” (i.e. a gold lame jacket with pants the color of orange sherbet). Sometimes, the film comes close to capturing how electric it could have been live, such as when, during “Billie Jean,” the music drops out and Jackson launches into a classic solo routine—complete with crotch-grabbing—to the genuine giddiness of his backup dancers. At other points, we see where Jackson’s penchant for grand gestures would have lapsed into overwrought ridiculousness (“Earth Song” was to end with him being threatened by a giant prop bulldozer). It’s all a great tease, but it can only be a tease. PG. MATTHEW SINGER. Opened Wednesday at Broadway Metro 4 Theatres, Century 16 Cedar Hills Crossing, Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99 Stadium 11, Cinemas Bridgeport Village Stadium 18 IMAX, Cinetopia, City Center Stadium 12, Cornelius 9 Cinemas, Division Street Stadium 13, Evergreen Parkway Stadium 13, Hilltop 9 Cinema, Lloyd Center Stadium 10 Cinema, Lloyd Mall 8 Cinema, Movies On TV Stadium 16, Oak Grove 8 Cinemas, Pioneer Place Stadium 6, Sandy Cinemas, Sherwood Stadium 10, St. Johns Twin Cinemas and Pub, Tigard 11 Cinemas, Wilsonville Stadium 9 Cinema.

LEGO Beasts: Geeks of the World Unite for Brickfest

Thursday, April 2nd, 2009

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Of all the subcultures held up as paragons of geekdom, rarely does anyone mention the AFOLs. That’s Adult Fans of LEGO, the Danish toy seemingly invented to lure kids away from dinosaur hunting and superheroism and toward the more solid career of structural engineering. It’s a bit odd that this niche group—which held its 10th annual summit meeting, Brickfest, at the Oregon Convention Center this past weekend—isn’t a bigger part of the nerdosphere; truth be told, it might be the geekiest hobby of all. And I mean that in the most reverential way possible.

Consider, first, the sheer dedication involved in being a LEGO nut. Sure, it takes a certain amount of devotion to be, say, a Star Wars junkie, but really all you’re doing most of the time is sitting, collecting various Lucas-brand arcana, absorbing useless trivia, and occasionally dressing up like a Jawa. As an AFOL, though, simple enthusiasm isn’t enough—one must create. At Brickfest, the focus was not necessarily on the product itself (though a bunch of current and vintage LEGO sets were available for sale) but the mini-monuments to man’s architectural ingenuity born from its interlocking design: a working roller coaster; a slot machine; a replica of a steel bridge and the Space Needle; a massive fortress that began three years ago and is continually expanding. This isn’t just fetishism. It’s art. An incredibly dorky brand of art, but art nonetheless.

See TONS of amazing Brickfest photos after the jump.

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California Live: A Laker Fan Hijacks Blazer Game Coverage

Monday, March 9th, 2009

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No, you haven’t fallen through a wormhole and stumbled upon a Bizarro World version of wwire. I am not Casey Jarman, Michael Mannheimer or even Aaron Mesh — my name is Matt Singer, obscure Willamette Week freelancer, born-and-raised Southern Californian and, yes, defiant Laker fan. Around these parts, I realize that last part is sort of like admitting you hate rainbows and go on seal-clubbing expeditions in the summer — and frankly, I embrace that viewpoint. I’ve always wanted to be an asshole but have been told I’m way too nice. So tonight, let the douchebaggery commence as I slander the entire Brassieres roster in the guise of commenting on this, perhaps the biggest game of the regular season for your puny team.

But first, let me send a million billion thanks to Casey Jarman for relinquishing his media pass for the night. Now I feel bad for that sex predator rumor I spread around the office when we were competing for a job over the summer.

And now, with that last bit of gratitude out of the way, let’s begin the libel: Steve Blake warms up by eating puppy hearts. I’m watching him do it right now.

Actually, this Blazers squad is pretty goddamn hard to hate on convincingly. Couldn’t you have just kept Sebastian Telfair around at least until I got to town? It would make this so much easier.

Anyway, don’t expect a whole lot of wizened basketball analysis tonight. I’m not Hubie Brown, although I will make a concerted effort to start most of my sentences with the word “Now…” Instead, expect observations more along the lines of this: Doesn’t Kobe Bryant resemble George Washington? My friend made this comment a while ago, and I swear it’s uncanny. Neither of us were high at the time, either. Check it out:

George_Washington_dollar kobe-bryant

Don’t you see it? No? OK, fuck you then, Portland. See you in 30 for the tip.

1st Quarter

12:00 – Oh, feeling those “Beat L.A.” chants reverberate through my chest before the tip fills my loins with the hate I’m gonna need for the next 48 minutes. Yo, Elroy, your facial hair is mad patchy. OK, I’ll improve as the game goes on.

5:13 – More than halfway through the first, Roy and His Patchy Facial Hair has carved through the Laker defense and hit all three of his shots, Gasol is getting bothered by Pryzbilla, and Luke Walton hasn’t done shit. Somebody is telling Batum he’s a pro. Very observant. In comes Channing Frye for Pryzbilla — hopefully he ain’t still tired from the Raphael Saadiq show the other night. That shit was off the hook, by the way. Kobe sinks a jumper. 19-14, Brassieres.

1:05 – And in comes everyone’s least favorite Laker, Sasha Vujacic. Personally, I don’t get the hate. I like Sasha and his gnat-like defense, and the fact that he almost gets in a fight every game. And just as I type this, he bricks a three. 25-16 Brassieres at the end of the first.

I have just been informed that someone in the crowd has a sign that just says, “Pau is Ugly.” I’m not going to argue, actually. He looks like an alcoholic ostrich or something. But hey, your star big man — the one with osteoporosis — ain’t much to stare at, either.

2nd Quarter

10:35 — A 24-second violation, a turnover and we give up a three to Outlaw. Not a good way to start the quarter, but Gasol hit his last two shots. 31-20, Brassieres.

9:10 — DJ MBENGA SIGHTING! And another Outlaw three. Damnit. This building always gives the Lakers trouble. And I’m really disturbed by this “Risky Business” homage featuring the Blazers’ dumbass mascot in boxers and a long button-up shirt.

7:25 — Ariza is still pretending like he’s a shooter, draining a three and bricking a second. I don’t know why he and Odom prowl around the perimeter so much, as if they’re a consistent threat. Mbenga interrupts what would’ve been a massive dunk from Outlaw. 41-27, Brassieres.

6:44 — Mbenga hits his free throws and the Blazers call a timeout, giving me the opportunity to introducing Portlanders to the seriously fascinating story of the Lakers’ now second-option center: http://www.ocregister.com/articles/mbenga-says-one-2324360-story-father.

4:49 — Back-to-back threes from Outlaw and Rudy pushes the Blazer lead back to 16 after a Walton layup off a Kobe assist cut it to 10. Our lack of perimeter D is killing us, again. Oh, and there’s nothing particularly thrilla-ing about Joel Pryzbilla.  Kobe called for a travel. 51-32, Brassieres. Fuck!

1:07 — And now fucking Steve Blake with a three. Please don’t let that gnome style on us, guys. I’m smelling a Kobe rogue mission in the second half. And Mesh, I’m not the good luck charm here — it’s the satchel of your mother’s pubic hair I carry with me to games. I don’t even know what that means, but it’s true.

Halftime Score: 61-38, Brassieres.

Well, we’re just getting scorched from downtown. The Lakers’ perimeter D has been our Achilles all season — if a team gets hot from behind the line against ‘em, it’s a problem. Plus, L.A. hasn’t won in Portland for like four years, and…HOLY SHIT A FLOATING CAR!

3rd Quarter

11:13 — There’s nothing that makes me cringe more as a Laker fan than Derek Fischer charging into the paint. It never looks like it’s going to end well. At least he drew a foul. Why you shooting threes, Odom?! 63-42, Brassieres.

6:39 — Roy right through two defenders. Damn. Gasol with the tip-in off a Kobe miss. And Pryzbilla with the and-one. Fuck, man, everyone in purple and gold is playing like ass tonight. And of course Luke misses a three. Jump-ball, Odom and Batum, controlled by Odom, but he gets stripped in front of the rim. Roy misses a three but Blazers corral the rebound. Roy gets tied up with Fischer and sinks his free throws. C’mon, Portland — Roy is fucking good, but he ain’t the MVP. You see that shot from Wade at the end of the Heat game tonight? Probably not. But that game appears to have been better than this one. 73-51, Brassieres.

3:28 — And the three point contest continues. Stop shooting, Farmar! 76-51, Brassieres.

0.8 — IT’S PANDEMONIUM IN PORTLAND! Rudy hit hard, but there’s no way that was a flagrant. Goddamn, the NBA can be pussy as hell sometimes. That would’ve been a two shot foul in the ’80s. Well, at least something interesting happened in this game. And now we get a very weak “Fuck the Lakers” chant. Now a thunderous, and more family friendly “L.A. Sucks” chant. Rudy’s getting taken out on a stretcher.

The Rudy Fernandez Memorial 4th Quarter

11:45 — Hope that doesn’t seem like I’m making light of Rudy’s injury. I don’t know what the reports are from the floor, I hope he’s OK, of course — although I did say I was gonna take this opportunity to be a prick. A couple of TO’s and quick shots cut the lead to 23. And then Kobe picks up his fourth and fifth fouls — then promptly drains a three to cut it to 20. 84-64, Brassieres — yes, Brassieres, Jake. Suggest a better insulting name. And what, you’re a Blazers fan now? Or just a fan of large white guys?

9:30 — MBENGA IN YOUR EYE! 86-66, Brassieres.

8:24 — STRAIGHT OUT THE CONGO, BITCH! 87-70, Brassieres.

5:35 — So I’m assuming Odom and Ariza are getting suspended for that scuffle earlier. That’s gonna make the upcoming Texas back-to-back swing difficult. Aldridge jumper nearly puts the nail in this one, if it wasn’t hammered in already. Can we get a Sasha-Steve Blake slap fight next before time runs out, at least?

2:58 — So the Lakers have officially thrown in the towel — and by towl I mean Adam Morrison. At least he’ll manage to make some kids at courtside cry. Hey, where are all the Laker fans in the arena going? We got Morrison, Brown, Powell, Farmar and of course MBENGA on the floor with 1:30 left — with that lineup, anything is possible! 108-86, Blazers (yes, Jake, I’m retiring the lame insult…it’s an admission of defeat).

You win this round, Portland. Oh, Rudy update: He’s not paralyzed. Does that mean I’m free to make fun of him? Or is it still too soon?

Final Score: 111-94, Blazers

Show Us Your Pasties!: A Night of Burlesque at the Hawthorne Theater

Monday, January 12th, 2009

Indulgence Burlesque 095

Forget the Lambada, the Tootsie Roll, even the Humpty Dancethe Charleston is the sexiest dance ever invented. At least, it is when the girl performing it winds up wearing nothing but garters and pasties by the end. Come to think of it, just about any act is made exponentially sexier by the inclusion of fishnets, lace and boobie tassels. Ever seen a woman clean a microwave in her bra and panties? Hawt.

And therein lies the key to modern burlesque, the art form that emphasizes the “tease” in striptease: In a time where the mainstream definition of beauty is oppressively narrow, it democratizes sexiness. A successful burlesque dancer is not judged by how disproportionate her overinflated, scoliosis-inducing breasts are to her toothpick frame; the criteria is something less tangible, something that cannot be artificially achieved, something that transcends body type. Namely, sass. And, based on the performances at the first edition of the Hawthorne Theater’s weekly burlesque night, Indulgence, the ability to pull off 80-year-old dance moves.

Of course, in a city with more stripper poles than police officers, the question is: Why leave the house to watch a chick do the Lindy Hop in her underwear when you can walk down the street and see one completely naked?

Indulgence Burlesque 103

Well, first of all, it’s not really a fair comparison. Strip clubs are only about titillation (OK, and buffalo wings); a burlesque show aims for arousal and entertainment, and not strictly in that order. At Indulgence, which took place in the Hawthorne’s impossibly intimate and maybe too-well-lit lounge area, the two evenly blended throughout the night, most acutely in the performance by the Portland-based duo of Euphemia Fox—who opened the show with the Charleston-A-Go-Go routine—and Mister Minix Mips, together known as Swingtease. Their segment, in which Mips gradually disrobed Fox as they swing-danced together (hence their name), probably would’ve made the cast of Footloose’s heads explode. And when Mips—who sorta resembles Sonic Youth’s gangly frontman Thurston Moore—ripped off his shirt to reveal his own set of pasties…well, “arousing” might not be the right word, but it certainly got a laugh out of the crowd.

Indulgence Burlesque 093

Secondly, at a nudie bar, all the attention is on the final product. The actual act of stripping is really just a way to burn time—like if a porn site made you play a game of Minesweeper before downloading a picture. In burlesque, the foreplay is the main attraction. That’s why, in this medium, attitude matters most: When the payoff isn’t full-frontal nudity, a performer can’t rely solely on their flesh. Personality counts. Host and Indulgence organizer Sahara Dunes—who spent the evening multitasking, running backstage and through the audience with a wireless mic—might not fit the physical profile of a typical “erotic dancer,” but the veteran confidence she exuded on stage lent an undeniable sensuality to her two routines. Only headliner Sadie LaGuerre, sorry, make that Bella Berretta, one-upped her in terms of charisma, berating the crowd to applaud louder and putting an exclamation point on the night with a final ass-smack.

But if this all sounds a bit too high-minded for you, or if you’re just a really big fan of nipples, there is still one reason to check out the second installment of Indulgence next Thursday: raffles!

When was the last time you went to Acropolis and left with a vibrator and a candy thong, huh?

Indulgence runs every Thursday in January at the Hawthorne Theater (3862 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 233-7100). For a list of performers and other info, visit www.burlygirlproductions.com.

LIVE REVIEW: Portland’s expat comedy trio the Uncles sketch with broadstrokes

Monday, December 22nd, 2008

The Uncles
Even if you had no idea where Portland-bred comedy troupe the Uncles have been the last few years, you could probably fashion a pretty good guess based on the first two sketches of their homecoming show at Someday Lounge this past weekend. First, a parody of The Price Is Right, hosted by an orthodox Rabbi with a poorly-sighted mohel and an overbearing, penny-pinching mother as contestants, titled The Price Is Too Much. Then, a taped commercial featuring a pair of sweatsuit-wearing goombas, both named Vince, promoting Bensonhurst Community College.

Figured it out yet? If you said New York, congratulations — you know where your ethnic stereotypes come from. Five years ago, Matt DiLoreto, Dave DiLoreto and Joshua Sidis forsook lily-white Rip City for multi-culti Brooklyn, and the move has apparently provided them with a spark of inspiration. Of course, you don’t even need to leave your house to know that, in terms of comedic generalizations, Jews are cheap and Eye-talians are greasy. And that was the weakness of the trio’s otherwise high-energy 90 minute set: By utilizing such well-worn comic conventions—which also included ignorant hillbillies, pretentious German performance artists and romantically sleazy Frenchmen—only the most sheltered viewers could have been offended by much of it. Not that the Uncles needed to upset anyone to be successful (God knows the world needs more “shock comedy” like I need the hantavirus), but too many of the set-ups were achingly obvious (Showtime at the Apollo…in ancient Greece!), dragging on like the bits Saturday Night Live dumps in its 12:30-1am dead zone.

The group fared better when it abandoned the broad characterizations and headed for stranger waters, such as “No Internal Organ Man Sings Karaoke” (sample vocals: “Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh…”), which segued into a sketch in which a three-way argument built—surprisingly smoothly—into an inexplicable performance of “Sweet Caroline.” And the cruder material, such as the sung dorm room lament of “the World’s Worst Masturbator” worked as well. Subtlety and insight aren’t the Uncles’ strong points—pretending to play a piano with their dicks, however, is right up their alley.

But their best stuff reflected the threesome’s relatively unique status as Portlanders in exile. An a capella tune about the hardships of being a Trailblazers fan probably wouldn’t play in New York (although there hasn’t been a funnier NBA franchise in recent years than the Knicks), but it killed here, and all they really did was list the organization’s flubs over the decades: drafting Sam Bowie over Michael Jordan, not being able to play Arvydas Sabonis until the mid-90s, the Jailblazers era (“So many losses can turn a team to crime”), etc. It would do them good to draw on those distinctly Stumptownian aspects the next time they come back home. Because we all know what cartoon sketches of East Coast Jews, Italians and rednecks look like—but do even longtime Portland residents know what they look like from a few thousand miles away?

The Art of Musical Maintenance: From Groovy to WTF?

Wednesday, December 10th, 2008

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Music is industry in Portland. That’s true everywhere else, of course, but here the web of the indie rock business is particularly vociferous, a pulsating hierarchy of bands, labels, writers, promoters and, of course, coffee shop baristas. It’s hard to measure where concert poster artists stand on that totem pole these days. In olden times, they served a clearer purpose, as visual publicists. To a degree, that’s still their role today. But with the Internet providing pretty much all the publicity any group or venue could need, it’s unclear just how crucial these illustrators are now in terms of grabbing eyes and getting asses into the club.

And based on the entries at curator Jason Brown’s fifth annual Art of Musical Maintenance show at Goodfoot, a lack of responsibility does this medium good.

Unencumbered by the pressure to actually promote a show, the art of gig posters has expanded beyond the standard-issue psychedelia of the 1960s to become less about the musicians and more a mode of expression for the artists themselves. Pertinent information—date, venue, even the name of the band—is increasingly obscured. Those classic old Fillmore posters were also hard to read, of course, but for the acid-heads Bill Graham was trying to reach, they were perfectly readable. There’s no telling what kind of drugs you’d have to be on to decipher some of these modern ones, though.

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Personal style runs through the display. Guy Burwell’s vaguely Native American mosaics for My Morning Jacket and Vampire Weekend are among the most distinctive, particularly his microphone priest-god piece for MMJ’s Radio City Music Hall gig. EMEK, who designed 2008’s most awesome album cover for Erykah Badu’s New Amerykah, also created fliers for the R&B singer’s global tour, utilizing motifs inspired by the host country—communist propaganda for Russia, African folk art for Nigeria—while maintaining an instantly identifiable, ’70s funk-record-informed look. Crosshair takes a simpler approach, placing the performer’s name across photos of run-down buildings, but in its starkness it is perhaps the most interesting work of the exhibit — well, next to the Melvins poster featuring a kid in jeans and Chuck Taylor’s getting flushed down a toilet, also by Crosshair.

Others, of course, use the actual artists they are constructing the poster for as a jumping off point. For an appearance by the resurgent New York Dolls at Berbati’s Pan, for example, Stainboy uses another icon of the ’70s Big Apple, Martin Scorsese’s Taxi Driver and Jodie Foster’s 13-year-old prostitute Iris. Alan Hynes and Gary Houston simply portraitize recognizable faces such as Van Morrison, Ringo Starr and Ray Davies. Ike Turner also shows up — on a Methane Studios poster for a Black Keys show. Huh?

The latter seems to be the art form’s next evolutionary step: actually promoting a show is secondary, so why not put a completely unrelated artist on the poster as well?

The Art of Musical Maintenance runs through Jan. 26 at the Goodfoot Lounge (2845 SE Stark, 503-239-9292)

Bryan Adams, If You’re Nasty: Rethinking a Legacy (of Filth)

Thursday, November 27th, 2008

summer of 69Oh, Bryan Adams—your parents should have named you Randy, because that’s exactly what you are. Earlier this year, the Canadian-born pop-rocker and occasional goopy balladeer revealed that his beloved anthem “Summer of ‘69” is not a wholesome remembrance of youthful innocence but something much, much dirtier. It’s actually about…well, let’s put it this way: “sixty-nine” should be written as a verb.

That’s right. It’s a double entendre hidden in plain sight, an infantile joke so stupid it almost goes all the way around to become kind of clever. As it turns out, the guy soccer moms thought of as a less-threatening John Mellencamp is really Prince in a sensible everyman wardrobe.

Don’t look so shocked. According to Adams, he has openly admitted the song’s true inspiration since it first became a hit in 1984, and ruffled a few stuffy feathers as a result.

“I was at a radio station in Boston,” Adams recalls over the phone from London, “and the guy says”—he puts on his best corny disc jockey voice—“ ‘So let’s talk about “Summer of ‘69.” Let’s talk about what you were doing in 1969.’ I said, ‘I was going to school, but that’s not what the song’s about.’ When I told him, I heard the program director go, ‘We’re not playing that song again.’”

Detailed View of the Summer of ‘69 Single Cover
detail view

On second thought, maybe this realization is a bit surprising. For music fans of a certain generation, Bryan Adams is the dude who crooned the insufferably schmaltzy “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You” on MTV as Kevin Costner pranced around a forest firing a bow-and-arrow. He is not exactly the first person that pops into mind at the thought of raw, almost pornographic sexuality—though he is, from an objectively heterosexual (totally heterosexual!) point of view, in rather good shape for a nearly 50-year-old man. He has aged well, but his image is that of the gentle romantic who swoops women into his arms and makes sweet love to them on a bed of roses, not the poon-hound who engages in kinky numerical copulation then writes a chart-topping single about it under the guise of warm-hearted nostalgia.

So this revelation raises an interesting question: Does ironic, hip America need to reconsider Bryan Adams? Because unlike a lot of his singer-songwriter peers, Adams has not been retroactively deemed “cool.” He is the guy who asked “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?” over cheesy Spanish guitars; declared along with Rod Stewart and Sting, “It’s all for one/And all for love!”; recorded a duet (a success in England, unheard in America) with a member of the Spice Girls and, again, contributed to the soundtrack of a movie in which Kevin Costner portrayed Robin Hood. That’s not exactly a resume brimming with indie cred.

But what if it were all a rouse? What if Adams is aware of how lame many of his career highlights are, and has been slipping nasty references in under the surface this whole time? Maybe “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?” is about anal sex. Maybe “Everything I Do, I Do It For You” equals mutual masturbation. That would make him at least as cool as, say, Kevin Smith, right? Then maybe Ryan Adams would start taking being confused for him as a compliment.

Not that Bryan Adams gives a shit what Ryan Adams, or any of you pretentious assholes, think.

“I don’t really think about it,” he says of his lack of respect from the hipsterati. “I know the songs do have a life beyond what you describe. I look at the audience outside America, and it starts very young and goes to much older. In America, though, it’s been difficult.”

Indeed, this country hasn’t been kind to Adams in recent years. He hasn’t been a major force on the charts here in a while, was dropped from his label and now acts essentially as his own promoter. He admits he has never been very good at selling himself. But this solo acoustic tour he is embarking on— arriving in Portland on Nov. 29 at the Aladdin Theater—is a smart way of reintroducing the crooning Canuck to the states. Stripping the studio varnish off his songs to reveal the craft underneath might remind audiences why they embraced him in the first place. And pushing this new, clandestinely horny version of himself could win Adams a whole new fan base, at least among Judd Apatow followers.

Still, something just doesn’t smell right. None of the lyrics to “Summer of ‘69” indicate anything secretly naughty, unless “I got my first real six-string/Bought it at the five-and-dime/Played ’til my fingers bled” is really euphemistic. And the title is always written with an apostrophe, indicating that sixty-nine refers to the year 1969. The whole thing smacks of self-revisionism, of an artist trying to sharpen an edge onto a reputation that had previously been wholly inoffensive.

But Adams sticks to his explanation. “Nowhere in the song do I say ‘1969.’ The idea is looking back fondly at starting out, at young love and having fun in the summer—the summer of sixty-nine. Somebody asked what it’s about and where I got the idea, and there’s nothing more to it than that.” Adams says there’s more where that came from: “’Run To You’ is about a threesome.”

Bryan Adams plays Saturday, Nov. 29 at the Aladdin Theater. 8 pm. $45.

Seriously…
bryan adams' crotch

Links:
Bryan Adams

Louis CK talks America off the ledge—then kicks it in the balls.

Monday, November 17th, 2008

Louis CK

As the writer-director of the cult, er, “classic” Pootie Tang, Louis CK isn’t an artist you’d normally go to for profundity. But at the Newmark Theater last Saturday, the comic did—in his own, c-word and shit-joke laden way—present a rather poignant message about the state of the country. And for a guy who usually bristles to the point of a Tourette’s-style breakdown over the stupidity that surrounds him, it was surprisingly optimistic (and no, Obama had nothing to do with it). His point: Even if America falls into a depression, the world we live in today is full of miracles those alive only a few decades prior could not have imagined.

The problem? This incredible age is being wasted on “the shittiest generation of fucking assholes.”

For a good chunk of his consistently hilarious nearly two-hour set, Louis railed not against the inconveniences of modern life but those who lack the perspective to realize how good we got it. We have the power of flight—even if it sometimes takes an extra 40 minutes to leave the runway, we’re still traveling on a “fucking chair in the sky,” something the most powerful men on the planet hundreds of years ago would have given up everything to do. All our family and friends and casual acquaintances are now buzzing all around us, an innovation a 41-year-old such as Louis finds amazing, considering he remembers a time when families couldn’t even claim ownership of their own phones—and yet, kids bitch when a text message fails to get to them as instantly as they’d like. “Even if it takes a month for you to get it,” he said, “that is fucking incredible!” To Louis, we have indeed become, in the words of Phil Gramm, a nation of whiners, of people who don’t talk to each other so much as “secrete” words out of our skulls.

His message—that even if the foundations of capitalism are on the verge of shattering, we should appreciate what we still have—was oddly reassuring in an era of universal doomsaying.

And the digressions into describing, among other things, a fantasy about two pale, gluttonous slobs blowing each other in the middle of a Starbucks were just sickly funny.

Although he sometimes appears to be made up of 72 percent pure acidic bile, the best moments of Louis’ performance were also the sweetest—sweet being a relative term, in this case. His observations on raising his two young daughters, which formed the basis of his short-lived HBO series Lucky Louie, weren’t any less barbed than his comments on the rest of humanity, but there was no doubt that he loves his children, even as he described the debilitating exhaustion of parenting, which for him includes arguing with his 4-year-old over whether the snack cakes are called Fig Newtons or Pig Newtons and having to crap with the bathroom door open.

The latter is the result of his recent divorce, the announcement of which elicited a sympathetic groan from the crowd, which he quickly shushed. “No good marriage ends in divorce,” he reminded the audience. He didn’t spend a lot of time discussing his reintroduction to single life, other than to say that after nine years of willingly allowing his appearance to wither, it’s like somehow coming into “50 million Prussian francs” — a gift that’s absolutely worthless now.

Speaking of marriage, Louis did not address the fight for gay marriage at the Newmark on the day hundreds gathered on the PSU campus to protest California’s Proposition 8, but it’s something he has discussed in the past. If pro-gay rights group had used him as a spokesman, Nov. 4 may have turned out differently for them. Well, maybe not. But his argument is, as most of his viewpoints, profanely salient:

LIVE REVIEW: The Separation of Church & Rehab: Bucky Sinister Gets Straight Without Losing His Lack of Faith

Friday, November 7th, 2008

Bucky Sinister

Bucky Sinister knew he had a problem when the young punk kid smoking speed from a broken lightbulb told him he should probably take it down a notch. It was, Sinister told the crowd at Powell’s on Hawthorne last night, like when Steven Adler got booted from Guns’n'Roses: If those dudes think you’re doing too many drugs, you must be really fucked up.

And so began Sinister’s journey to sobriety, which, as with many addicts, turned out to be a slow crawl through shattered glass. Not necessarily because the pull of addiction was so great—he never relapsed—but because the tenets of twelve-step recovery conflicted with his personal belief system, particularly the part about turning oneself over to God. As an avowed atheist, the notion of submitting to a higher power was a significant barrier to overcome. But Sinister soon figured out that getting clean doesn’t mean selling out. And that’s essentially what his new book, Get Up: A 12-Step Guide to Recovery for Misfits, Freaks & Weirdos, is about: sobriety without compromise.

Wearing a tight black T-shirt exposing one-and-a-half full arms worth of tattoos and tinted glasses that made him look uncannily like Walter from The Big Lebowski and sipping a glass of iced tea, Sinister—a pen name, methinks—read and discussed excerpts from Get Up for a decently-sized audience still small enough to recreate the intimacy of an AA meeting.

Indeed, several of his observations on addiction were met with knowing nods from some of the listeners. Although he is also a spoken word artist and stand-up comedian, here Sinister didn’t really perform, remaining glued to the podium and reciting his words in a voice made ragged by whiskey, but was nonetheless engaging, entertaining and, most of all, funny. Too many junkie memoirs—in print and on screen—forget there is an absurd comedic dimension to addiction. Sinister recognizes that humor in his writing, describing his misadventures in alcohol and drugs and the epiphanies that followed once he came out of the haze in a way his idol, Charles Bukowski, would certainly appreciate. He even offered a tip from his using days: Black Sabbath’s Masters of Reality is the best album to cut lines on; the Beatles’ White Album, the worst.

In his three previous collections of poetry, Sinister doesn’t aim for poignancy, only a no-bullshit, occasionally surrealistic view of his plummet toward rock bottom—which is why he was initially reluctant to author a book about recovery in the first place. When a publisher approached him with the idea, he balked, saying he couldn’t stand self-help books. “That’s why you’d be perfect to write one,” the publisher replied. Sinister eventually agreed, with caveats: no fields of flowers on the cover, and no “recovery font” for the title. Based on the selections he read at Powell’s, though, what Sinister ended up writing doesn’t even seem like an “alternative” guide to rehab, but rather a continuation of the loose autobiography he has been amassing through his poems. Only now, instead of chronicling the fall, he documents how he caught himself.

Entering a 12-step program was a fearful proposition for him, Sinister said, and much of Get Up is filled with those fears. For example, before going to his first meeting, he thought AA was like Amway, where he’d have to then go out and recruit other drunks if he wanted to stay. He was afraid he’d lose his friends if he quit drinking. He was afraid he would lose his ability to write. Most of all, he was afraid he’d be forced to go to church. Raised in a strictly fundamentalist household by an evangelical preacher father in a neighborhood populated by ministers, Sinister rebelled against the concept of religion at a young age and framed much of his identity around his non-belief. When he read the 12 steps and saw the word “God” in there a few times, he assumed he would have to completely abandon the person he used to be and embrace Jesus if he wanted to keep from self-destructing.

Gradually, though, he chipped away at those reservations. He came to the realization that he didn’t even know the names of the drinking buddies he was afraid of losing. “They were just random jerks at a bar,” he said. He found that sobriety could co-exist with his creativity, and came to regard artists as “Hot Stove Touchers,” people who whom the threat of pain intrigues rather than repels, making them prime candidates for addiction but not brilliant because of their addictions. And he figured out that believing in “a Power greater than ourselves” doesn’t have to mean a deity. Instead, Sinister wrote out a list of characteristics he admires in people, essentially constructing his image of the perfect human being—someone with the temperament of Kane in Kung-Fu, among other things—and allowed that to be his higher power: an idealized version of himself to strive for. “It’s attaining a Christlike quality from an atheist perspective,” he said. It took him four years, but he got through all the steps, and ended up finding the meetings, which he still attends, “as fun as punk shows.”

Toward the end of the discussion, Sinister said that growing up, he idolized preachers, but after leaving the church, his adoration fell to the old poets who hung out at the bars in San Francisco’s North Beach neighborhoods, the guys who made alcoholism seem so cool. If writers like Bukowski and Burroughs painted a quixotic portrait of addiction, Sinister has done the inverse: He has romanticized recovery.

TONIGHT @ Powell’s on Hawthorne: Let’s get Sinister…and sober?

Thursday, November 6th, 2008

Bucky Sinister“And Cain did reply/Lord, this burden is too much for me to bear/Whenceforth did the Lord/Unzip his holy pants/And pee into a bottle.” - Bucky Sinister, “Drowning on God’s Urine”

Well, what did you expect from a poet named Bucky Sinister? Leaves of Grass?

“Drowning on God’s Urine” is the first poem in Sinister’s 2004 book Whiskey & Robots, a faux-Biblical creation story about the birth of bourbon whiskey (hint: It is more divine than you think) and the beginning of Sinister’s addiction to alcohol and a lot of other substances.

Until six years ago, the shaven-headed, sleeve-tattooed Sinister lived the punk rock myth, crashing in a dilapidated three-story house in Berkeley with speed freaks and pill poppers, drinking himself asleep (and awake), watching stolen cable and going to shows. His poems are, in essence, verbal photographs which, when put together, chronicle his long, rough descent to the bottom. And they are pretty fucking funny, too.

His latest effort, Get Up: A 12-Step Guide to Recovery for Misfits, Freaks, and Weirdos, is, as its title suggests, something different: the tale of how he clawed his way out of the murk. Trust me, though: This isn’t going to be the usual story of junkie redemption. Sinister reads tonight at 7:30 at Powell’s on Hawthorne.

Bucky Sinister at Powell’s on Hawthorne, 3723 SE Hawthorne Blvd. 7:30 pm. Free.



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