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Rodent’s Revenge: G-Force Reviewed

Friday, July 24th, 2009

You know the drill: Not screened by WW press deadlines, but too culturally significant to be ignored.

G-Force

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What would happen if Jerry Bruckheimer obtained Disney’s permission to produce his own remake of Toy Story? I don’t know who asked this question. Maybe Jerry Bruckheimer. The answer is G-Force, a Bruckheimer-Disney coproduction about talking guinea pigs saving the world, in 3-D! As family entertainment, it’s a joke, albeit a joke told with sly self-awareness. Team America already told this joke, without PG-rated pandering to the kiddies, but I’ll give G-Force its due: The movie knows it’s pet food, and runs with it. Zach Galifianakis grimly advises the animated rodents on their mission, like a bearded Q briefing James Bond. Will Arnett shows up as the skeptical FBI brass, and the two comedians deadpan their way through the next blockbuster cliché. Bill Nighy plays the power-mad villain, and allows the camera to follow an animated housefly into his left nostril. In brotherly deference to Michael Bay, there are household appliances which TRANSFORM into killer robots. The chase scenes from Toy Story are restaged, to hilarious effect, with G-men crashing black SUVs amid patriotic fireworks. It’s all sharply directed and photographed in Bruckheimer’s trademark blues and oranges, with a sprinkling of his trademark racial stereotypes. You like irony? G-Force asks children to sympathize with guinea pigs, rewards teenagers with references to The Pussycat Dolls and Paris Hilton, then takes its name from the thousands of merchandising dollars extracted in kind. Bravo, Jerry, encore! PG. ALISTAIR ROCKOFF.

G-Force opens today. It screens in 3-D at Century 16 Cedar Hills Crossing, Century Eastport 16, Cinemas Bridgeport Village Stadium 18 IMAX, Cinetopia, Cornelius 9 Cinemas, Evergreen Parkway Stadium 13, Lloyd Center Stadium 10 Cinema and Sandy Cinemas. It screens in 2-D at Century 16 Cedar Hills Crossing, Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99 Stadium 11, Cinemas Bridgeport Village Stadium 18 IMAX, City Center Stadium 12, Cornelius 9 Cinemas, Division Street Stadium 13, Evergreen Parkway Stadium 13, Hilltop 9 Cinema, Lloyd Center Stadium 10 Cinema, Movies On TV Stadium 16, Oak Grove 8 Cinemas, Pioneer Place Stadium 6, Sherwood Stadium 10, Tigard 11 Cinemas and Wilsonville Stadium 9 Cinema.

Trailer of the Week: Eldorado

Saturday, January 31st, 2009

Eldorado
Those who enjoyed Colin Farrell’s Belgium-set comedy In Bruges may be interested to learn that the country submitted its own “two guys getting into trouble” movie for Oscar consideration. It’s called Eldorado and follows a car dealer and the junkie who tries to rob him on an absurd road trip. It plays at the Broadway Metroplex next Saturday, Sunday, and Tuesday as part of the Portland International Film Festival.
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Eldorado plays Feb. 7 at 5:15 pm, Feb. 8 at 8 pm, and Feb. 10 at 6:45 pm at the Broadway Metroplex, 1000 SW Broadway at Main. Tickets available at the box office or online at the Northwest Film Center.
Image of Fabrice Adde and director Bouli Lanners in Eldorado

Trailer of the Week: Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

Saturday, January 24th, 2009

GAME OVER
With the 32nd annual Portland International Film Festival starting next month at the Northwest Film Center, there will be plenty of opportunities to show you trailers for films that may actually be good. And since last week I brought you Hindi kung-fu, it seems only appropriate to follow up this week with a related cinematic phenomenon: whitey kung-fu. You’ll be delighted to learn that Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li arrives in a theater near you on Feb. 27 courtesy of 20th Century Fox, and is based on a series of Japanese video games dating back to the late 1980s.
Though it shocks me to admit it, I cannot in good conscience take issue with the creative bankruptcy inherent in adapting a feature film from the story of you and your 15-year-old brother feeding quarters into an arcade machine while, onscreen, bizarre racial caricatures punch and kick each other in the face. Because back in 1994, with a kind of horrible nightmare logic, this actually worked:
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The movie’s plot, so far as I remember it, involved Jean-Claude Van Damme commanding the United Nations in a battle against a Village People dictatorship led by the villainous “M. Bison,” played by the late Raúl Juliá. I can’t comment on whether Heath Ledger’s performance in The Dark Knight proved his undoing, but I can state that in 1994’s Street Fighter, Raúl Juliá brings enough corny, corneal mania to his final feature role to fully justify eye surgery, and at least three Oscars. For what it’s worth, the movie also starred Kylie Minogue.
Somehow, I doubt the new breed can measure up:
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Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li opens Feb. 27 and is not yet rated.
Image of Raúl Juliá as M. Bison in 1994’s Street Fighter

Trailer of the Week: Chandni Chowk to China

Friday, January 16th, 2009

Gordon Liu
You may not be familiar with the Delhi market neighborhood of Chandni Chowk, but you have surely heard of a little place called China, which is hopefully all that is required for contemplation of Warner Bros. Pictures’ first Bollywood release in America. Expect kung-fu hustles, Hindi musical numbers, a deadly bowler hat, comedy mugging, and a really Great Wall. Like the film’s Indian hero, you may find yourself on a pilgrimage to a foreign land: Chandni Chowk to China opens today at the Valley Cinema Pub in Beaverton.
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Chandni Chowk to China is rated PG-13 and plays this week at the Valley Cinema Pub , 9360 SW Beaverton-Hillsdale Highway, 5 and 8:30 pm Friday-Sunday, 1:30 pm Saturday-Sunday, 5 and 8 pm Monday-Thursday.
Image of Gordon Liu in Chandni Chowk to China from bollywoodmantra.com

Trailer of the Week: The Silence Before Bach

Saturday, January 10th, 2009

Bach
The Willamette Week staff have offered a few recommendations for the Northwest Film Center’s 26th annual Reel Music Fest starting this weekend. May I suggest Pere Portabella’s well-received film The Silence Before Bach (8 pm Wednesday, Jan. 21). Portabella has captured Bach’s music in performance pieces ranging from the historical to the modern (think a subway car plus a phalanx of cellos). In the following trailer, organist Christian Brembeck plays old J.S. himself in a performance of the Prelude in A Minor, at Bach’s original hangout of St. Thomas Church in Leipzig. Hardcore.
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The Silence Before Bach plays at the Whitsell Auditorium, 8 pm Wednesday, Jan. 21, on a double-bill with Ken Russell’s The Planets by Gustav Holst at 7 pm.
Image from The Silence Before Bach

Trailer of the Week: The Class

Saturday, December 20th, 2008

The Class
Director Laurent Cantet (Time Out) delivers the Parisian entry in the “schoolteacher struggles in the urban multicultural classroom” sweepstakes. If the critical buzz is to be believed, it’s actually good. Here, the teacher is played by an actual teacher, who co-wrote the script based on his novel, and the students are played by actual students.
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The Class (Entre les murs) opens Jan. 20 (hopefully in Portland) and is rated PG-13.
Image of François Bégaudeau in The Class

Trailer of the Week: Moving Midway

Saturday, December 13th, 2008

Moving Midway
We don’t appear to have a review posted yet for this new documentary, but it’s playing this weekend and the next at the Hollywood Theatre , and looks like just the ticket for a seasonal dose of Southern discomfort.
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Moving Midway is not rated and plays 12:30 and 2:45, Dec. 13-14 and Dec. 20-21 at the Hollywood Theatre
Image of Midway Plantation from Moving Midway

Trailer of the Week: Timecrimes

Saturday, December 6th, 2008

Timecrimes
Spain seems to be today’s top cinematic exporter of Hitchcockian Twilight Zone pulp, and the latest shipment arrives at Cinema 21 on December 19: Timecrimes. (Equally delightful Spanish title: Los Cronocrímenes.) Time travel, bloody scissors, and a guy with pink bandages on his head: what’s not to love?
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Timecrimes opens Dec. 19 at Cinema 21 and is rated R.
Poster from Timecrimes

Trailer of the Week: In the City of Sylvia

Saturday, November 29th, 2008

In the City of Sylvia
Showing Wednesday night as part of the Northwest Film Center’s Festival of New Spanish Cinema, this Spanish-French co-production follows a lovestruck young man, as he in turn follows the object of his desire through the streets of Strasbourg. Expect those time-honored cinematic pleasures: pretty people, pretty places, and stalking. The only deficiency is dialogue, of which there is apparently five minutes, tops. But hey, no need to read subtitles, right?
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In the City of Sylvia (En la ciudad de Sylvia) plays 7 pm, Wednesday, Dec. 3, at the Whitsell Auditorium, and is not rated.
Image of Xavier Lafitte and Pilar Lopez de Ayala in In the City of Sylvia

Trailer of the Week: Transporter 3

Saturday, November 22nd, 2008

Chev Chelios
Friends, readers, anybody, lend me your ears. I come not to bury Jason Statham, but to praise him. The fact is that Jason Statham comes to bury us, under a truckload of the choicest cinematic garbage. Jason who? Pronounce it with me: “JAY-SUN.” “STAY-THEM.” A former Olympic diver, fashion model, and black-market street hustler, the bald-pated Londoner has single-handedly revived the 1980’s heyday of whitey kung-fu and gonzo action flicks. In an age when Chuck Norris stumps for Mike Huckabee, our boy Jason is keeping the dream alive, whether that means swordfighting with Ray Liotta in slow-motion, chasing Jet Li into another dimension, arguing with his own split-personality in an elevator, handing Tom Cruise a briefcase, fighting minorities to keep his heart from stopping, or racing computer-generated sports cars to keep his wrist from exploding:
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Here are the bizarrely-named characters Jason Statham has played so far. Look on his works, ye mighty, and despair:
Bacon in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Turkish in Snatch
Sergeant Jericho Butler in John Carpenter’s Ghosts of Mars
Agent Evan Funsch in The One
Monk in Mean Machine
Handsome Rob in The Italian Job and The Brazilian Job
Airport Man in Collateral
Ethan in Cellular
Bateman in London
Jake in Revolver
Detective Quentin Conners in Chaos
Yves Gluant in The Pink Panther
Chev Chelios in Crank and Crank 2: High Voltage
Farmer in In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Crawford in War
Terry Leather in The Bank Job
Jensen Ames in Death Race
Frank Martin in The Transporter, Transporter 2, and Transporter 3

Transporter 3 is rated PG-13 and opens Wednesday, Nov. 26.
Image of Jason Statham as Chev Chelios (Chev Chelios Chev Chelios Chev Chelios) in Crank.


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